


Mixed Feelings

by orphan_account



Category: Eminem (Musician), Hip Hop RPF
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Marshall is hurt because of they treat him nothing more than a white boy, Racism, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22574692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “What if I had your color of skin?” Marshall asks out of blue.
Relationships: Eminem/Royce da 5'9"
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Mixed Feelings

“What if I had your color of skin?” Marshall asks out of blue, Ryan wants to look at him with wide eyes and asks to say it again, instead he clenches his teeth and narrows his eyes, he knows where that question came from, it makes him sick to stomach to think about how deeply all these controversies must have hurt his friend, Marshall is one of the strongest people he’s even met in his life and knowing how critics have gotten under his skin makes Ryan mad, makes him being overprotective of his friend and punch them in the mouth.

Ryan hesitates before opening his mouth, wanting his answer to be calculated as possible, the last thing he wants is to wreck his friend’s emotion, it's already hurts like hell to watch him crack under the pressure.

With a sigh Ryan makes his way to the only sofa in the room to be physically close to his friend to show that he’d be here no matter what.

Marshall gasps to say something, probably to take back his words but Ryan answers him before Marshall starts one of his lengthy self-defense rants. 

“You still be you, same old Marshall.” Ryan replies, Marshall’s normally cold as ice blue eyes melts for a second makes him think of all those years ago when he first met Marshall, when he was young, broken but not as much, simpler, hungrier, happier. 

His friend rests his head on the coach looking up at the ceiling. “You know damn well what I mean, you know better than anybody.” 

He wants to tell him to say fuck you to all these haters to say all the same old shit that he thinks is right but when a man is hurt that deeply there’s nothing you can say to right all the wrongs, it’s easy to advise him to ignore all the negativity and drama surround him, it’s easy to remind him that he thinks Marshall’s is the greatest in his eyes, that he means it always meant it, but the root of that question runs so deep that his words would barely make slightest deference.

Situations like this makes his feel useless, remind him that no matter what he does he will never be good enough no fill the gap DeShaun left in Marshall’s life, Ryan is sure if DeShaun were here Marshall would believe every word that he said, Ryan is sure if he were here they wouldn’t have this conversion right now, if he were here Ryan is not sure if they would ever mend their friendship. At the end of the day he’s just an unwanted replacement who failed to do the right thing. But it’s not the right time or place to think about his own insecurities and bring up the the hatchet that had been buried for over a decade.

“All I know is they’re dead wrong about you,” He wants to try harder and come up with something better, to say something to sooth all those self-doubts and fear.

Marshall rests the heels of his hands against his eyelids, Ryan is not surprised to see how those pale hands are shaking, he can barely stomach the sight before him, all fragile and wrecked and he can’t do anything to make it better, the first thing he does is putting his hand on the shivering back and yank Marshall closer to lean his head on his chest, it was unintentionally but he hopes it works, to make Marshall stop shaking dangerously against him.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve known better, to be stronger, but I can’t Ryan, sometimes it’s too much, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” He’s voice is muffled and cracking from time to time, Ryan just rubes his back and whispers ‘It’s okay and there's nothing to be sorry about, that he's a human after all’, it fucks him up to know he can’t do anything more than being there, maybe being there is enough, maybe it’s far from what Marshall’s expectations are but it’s all he can do right now. 

When Marshall finally stops shuddering and only rests against him, Ryan starts to like the feeling, he doesn’t want Marshall to move, all he wants is to enjoy the warm fuzzy atmosphere around them but he keeps panicking about the approaching moment where the world goes back to its normal, boring self and they probably wouldn’t talk about this in future.

Marshall finally moves, he wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck looking at him with now completely deep blue eyes, it’s like the ice melted and now there’s big blue ocean, Ryan moves forward, unintentionally, closes his eyes and presses their lips together, he’s more than surprised to find Marshall kissing back, It's a kiss without a goal in mind, no heat, no expectation other than to make Marshall feel better. Ryan brings his other hand up to Marshall's face, light stubble scratching against the pads of his fingers as he strokes his cheek with his thumb.

It goes on longer than it should have but shorter than he wants it to, the moment they separate Marshall’s eyes are huger than usual, and Ryan’s heart is uncomfortably beating faster to a point where it kind of hurts. “What was that for?” Marshall’s voice is soft but he’s deed serious. 

“A kiss? Thought it might help you.” He answers deliberately, like always. It's more than true but it sounds like lie when he hear himself.

He expects Marshall to joke around about both of them being sentimental and ease the tension, he sort of expects his jaw being broken till now, instead his friend nods with a sigh, he rests his forehead against him to stop Ryan from being anxious and sooth back of his neck with his thumb, “Thank you.”


End file.
